Music has taken me to places and let me experience things I never would have thought possible. I believe it will continue to do so. I got the chance to meet a great person and musician. He is what you would call a true bassist. His technique is flawless, his bowing is like singing, and his feel is astounding. I met him at a concert I sang for in a choir. He played bass for the orchestra, and I went to talk to him afterwards. Although we had just met we soon began talking like we had been friends for quite a while. Never have I met someone who was so willing to share all the prized information and lessons he had learned in music, as well as his generosity. We met for drinks and he told me all about his career, and what he knew about the bass. I had asked him if he gave lessons. "I don't want your money, I just want to teach you how to make the bass sing...you know when you hear someone playing with a bow and it just screeches...You can feel the tenseness in their hands." He then looked at me and said "The bass is a beautiful instrument, and when it sounds that way it just goes 'AAAAAAHHHHHHH'". At that moment I knew exactly what he meant. We talked a bit more about some other things and where he went to school etc.
We met up for lunch at a nice place a few weeks later and talked some more. It was a rainy Thursday and I had my bass in my car. We drove back to his house in the pouring rain. I followed him up and up the road, farther and farther away from the city and all the chaos, noise, and bustle that it held. When we reached his house I was in awe of how beautiful the surrounding mountains and greenery were. I unloaded my bass and we walked in. I met his girlfriend who plays cello and she welcomed me into their home. We walked into the living room....never had I found such an amazing place to practice. There was a Steinway piano and 2 very expensive basses on the wall next to it. The walls were a warm white, and beautiful pieces of art were hung on the walls. I could feel the energy that he and his girlfriend created in the house with their instruments. I felt very inspired and also intimated to play. I was in the presence of not one, but two masters of their instruments. I really had no business playing in their house. These people had traveled the world and dedicated their lives to their art. Although I am trying to accomplish the same I was no where near their level.
He helped me fix the bridge on my bass after he saw me play on it for a few minutes. He could tell and sense things about it that I didn't know where possible. After he adjusted the bridge he began to play it. "It's finicky in spots. Some notes on your fretboard aren't as good as others. The same with my bass." He began to play more and stopped. "Do you hear that?", "No" I replied. "The low E...when you play the low E and cover the G string the sound shuts down. It is sympathetically vibrating to help the sound." He also told me that every note has a perfect spot on the string to bow with and if you slide your bow down the strings it will catch it, as if it is meant to be there. I really couldn't believe he had completely dissected my bass in a matter of minutes. He then showed me how to hold a french bow, and it was a bit different than the way I had been taught before but felt great. We sight read some music and played a blues. I was embarrassed to miss a lot of the notes when we read but he was patient "You're not a reader huh?" he said. "I'm working on it..." I smiled. He showed me some more music he had done for movies. Also some scores that John Williams had given him to play. It was a history lesson in the art of recording music for TV and Film.
But then he took my bass and played it again with his bow. He made my cheap plywood Chinese bass sing with the sorrow of a million broken hearts, so beautiful yet so sad. I couldn't believe the sound that he made come from what I had been playing for a few years. It flowed, it sang, it breathed with the intensity and quality of a fine instrument. After that he offered me a glass of beer. We went out to the back and talked more. I told him about what I had been through, all the pain and suffering, and dealing with Lyme disease and chronic pain. I told him about what I wanted to do with music, about how I was engaged, what had happened the past 2 years, and how I was so honored and grateful to meet as amazing a person as he was. I told him that I am always in physical pain and the only time it stops is when I play music, and it's the most beautiful in the world. I asked if he knew the tune Beautiful Love, and he said he doesn't remember names but if he heard it he might know it. So I offered to play it for him.
We walked back inside and I picked up my bass. It was the first time that kind of feeling had ever happened with picking up the instrument. I was going to play for him, but I was also going to show him who I was. I was going to speak to him through my bass and I knew he would listen. Everything seemed to work, the bass felt like it was just apart of me and when I wanted to do something it did it. It was really some of the finest playing I had ever done at that point I feel like. It wasn't perfect, but even when I missed a note, or wasn't on pitch I knew he knew what I was trying to say and that it was ok. Afterwards he helped me load my bass into my car and I asked him, "Do you really think I can do this? Am I good enough to be a professional?" He looked at me and said "You're very talented and I think you can, but you're starting late in life. I'm not the best teacher because I wasn't the best student, but whenever I can I will teach you what I know."
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Putter's Lesson
I began to practice in the morning a few days ago on the bass. I was doing some bowing work and needed some rosin but didn't have any. I called a friend of mine, Putter Smith, to ask if I could borrow some. He said sure thing, to come by in 20 minutes. I walked over to his place about a block away and went back to his studio. To make a brief description of Putter I would say that he is the warmest, kindest, looking man you could ever see. And beyond that this man knows his music. He oozes it. And not just the notes, or the technique, or the nuts and bolts. He knows the ESSENCE of music. What extends beyond any book ,class, lesson, or etude. You can feel his playing in a very special way when he picks up the bass.
I asked him if I could watch his practice routine and he agreed. He started with a 3 finger technique that involved attacking each separate string with each different finger. He would start on open strings and hit the E with his index, A with his middle, and D with his ring. He would then skip the next string and repeat the process till he cycled through all variations. Once he was done with that he started the cycle with his middle finger, and once he finished that he start the cycle with his ring finger. After he finished playing open strings he began running scales up and down the neck. After the scales came the arpeggios, and to top it all off he would do it staccato at the end. It was the mos intense 10 minutes I had ever seen. The energy in that room skyrocketed the second he started. It was a true art from to see a master hone his craft. "I do this everyday, and once I start I don't stop." He explained about the long process that it took to reach a point where it would get easier, and then as soon as it did he would change up the exercises. I told him how amazing it sounded and how great it was to see it. He replied "well just wait...I'm not done yet. I sight read some stuff out of this book. I usually work on it for a month or two to where it gets musical. But it sounds horrible until then."
I thought he was joking, I don't think I've ever heard Putter sound bad...But he opened up the book and started to bow this music. It was all thumb position, and hard shit. It sounded so bad....like a kid had picked up the bass for the first time and tried to sight read. The bow didn't connect in spots, the intonation was off, the time faltered in spots. But he never stopped playing. Every now and again he would yell "Oh man, I'm fucking this up bad..." But he kept going. "I submit myself to this. I keep going until it ends no matter how bad it sounds. I have to force myself to get through it, and after the 2 months it gets to the point where it starts to sound like music" I was really surprised...I was sure he would be able to do this stuff...but I asked him if it was written for bass. "Oh no...this is a classical trumpet concerto book." It was all in treble cleft and insane leaps all over. It looked intense.
He then taught me a bowing exercise that involved making a consistent sound across all bowing points. Closer to the fretboard the bowing is louder with less movement. But the lower you go towards the bridge the less speed you need to create the same sound. I would start bowing near the fretboard and then count how many beats it took to get to the frog of the bow. Once I did that I then shift positions to the middle of the strings between the bridge and fretboard. I then had to count how many beats it took to get the same volume in that place as the last one. It added about 3 beats, and near the bridge added about 4.
After that we talked a little bit about music and his experiences. When I was leaving he told me he is envious of people who quit music. "I really admire someone who can quit. I wish I had the balls to do it, but I'm too scared. Music is what I do, and it is a part of who I am. It is a terrible profession, but if you know it is your only choice then it is your only choice."
That was a very special day.
I asked him if I could watch his practice routine and he agreed. He started with a 3 finger technique that involved attacking each separate string with each different finger. He would start on open strings and hit the E with his index, A with his middle, and D with his ring. He would then skip the next string and repeat the process till he cycled through all variations. Once he was done with that he started the cycle with his middle finger, and once he finished that he start the cycle with his ring finger. After he finished playing open strings he began running scales up and down the neck. After the scales came the arpeggios, and to top it all off he would do it staccato at the end. It was the mos intense 10 minutes I had ever seen. The energy in that room skyrocketed the second he started. It was a true art from to see a master hone his craft. "I do this everyday, and once I start I don't stop." He explained about the long process that it took to reach a point where it would get easier, and then as soon as it did he would change up the exercises. I told him how amazing it sounded and how great it was to see it. He replied "well just wait...I'm not done yet. I sight read some stuff out of this book. I usually work on it for a month or two to where it gets musical. But it sounds horrible until then."
I thought he was joking, I don't think I've ever heard Putter sound bad...But he opened up the book and started to bow this music. It was all thumb position, and hard shit. It sounded so bad....like a kid had picked up the bass for the first time and tried to sight read. The bow didn't connect in spots, the intonation was off, the time faltered in spots. But he never stopped playing. Every now and again he would yell "Oh man, I'm fucking this up bad..." But he kept going. "I submit myself to this. I keep going until it ends no matter how bad it sounds. I have to force myself to get through it, and after the 2 months it gets to the point where it starts to sound like music" I was really surprised...I was sure he would be able to do this stuff...but I asked him if it was written for bass. "Oh no...this is a classical trumpet concerto book." It was all in treble cleft and insane leaps all over. It looked intense.
He then taught me a bowing exercise that involved making a consistent sound across all bowing points. Closer to the fretboard the bowing is louder with less movement. But the lower you go towards the bridge the less speed you need to create the same sound. I would start bowing near the fretboard and then count how many beats it took to get to the frog of the bow. Once I did that I then shift positions to the middle of the strings between the bridge and fretboard. I then had to count how many beats it took to get the same volume in that place as the last one. It added about 3 beats, and near the bridge added about 4.
After that we talked a little bit about music and his experiences. When I was leaving he told me he is envious of people who quit music. "I really admire someone who can quit. I wish I had the balls to do it, but I'm too scared. Music is what I do, and it is a part of who I am. It is a terrible profession, but if you know it is your only choice then it is your only choice."
That was a very special day.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Long time
It has been a while since I have written to you, to talk about the things that have been brewing in this head of mine. I've been busy, really busy. I've been at school everyday playing, I've been at jam sessions playing, I've been in the practice room shedding, I've been in the scene trying to stake a claim on a career I am trying to build. I've met some really cool people, and have had some great experiences. Unfortunately my brain still seems to keep thinking at a deeper level. It doesn't stop. I guess once you've experienced severe trauma then you re never the same. I remember the days when I didn't think about how much longer do I have, or what can I do all the time to make this life worth living. For those of you reading this for the first time, I got very sick with lyme disease. And in the end it doesn't really matter what the fuck you call it. I got sick, when it hurts so bad and you feel like you're dying it really doesn't matter what it is. Pain is pain, there is no specific term to help make it any easier.
But my world isn't the same, no matter how much I try and turn it off I can't. I see how people act now, I see how people think, I see how society works, and I don't fucking get it. I wish I could smack everyone in the face and tell them, "Do you know it's going to end? Do you know one day you will die and it will come sooner than you think? And when you die do you want to look back at all the times you cared what others thought of you, or were ashamed of yourself, or embarrassed of yourself, or hurt others, or hurt yourself? Or how you were obsessed with vanity, or materials, or money....and now you're on your last breath none of that matters? You can't take things with you, you can't take looks with you, the only thing you can take is the memories you have made in this life and the connections with those you've met. But people get caught up in egos, or caught in doubt and regret. They project it onto others, and subject themselves to their own punishment. I just don't understand people anymore. As a society, as a whole, as a functioning unit. There are so many things that are not important nor helpful to people that grab so much money, attention, and effort from people in life. I wonder if it is in our nature to suffer, or feel bad....
I smile a lot, I laugh a lot, and I try and show as much love as I can. I still have an ego, after all the shit I have been through sometimes it still comes out. I've gotten better at realizing that it doesn't serve me, and that I need to stop it asap. It's hard, especially when you are in pain everyday and no one can see it. I am not talking about emotional pain, I am talking about physical pain. I used to think that physical pain wasn't as bad as emotional pain, because the physical pain went away....but fuck that. This shit hasn't gone away for almost 3 years, and I am convinced at this point it never will. I just deal. I grind my fucking teeth, I barely sleep, I get depressed, angry, lonely, sad, scared...but I keep going. Everyday seems like a challenge. Music is really the only thing that makes it worth it anymore, I would say love but fuck...that shit is hard to come by. And even when I do find someone it is impossible for them to understand. It feels like a big barrier.
I got to rehearse today with a guy for an Irish music festival next week. I didn't know what to expect, but it was amazing. The chord changes were simple, the time was all 4/4, and the tempos weren't fast. But the music was pure energy. I could feel his spirit in the way he played his guitar, and in the way the music moved. It made me feel alive, and I could tell why this music is still alive and well in the culture. It really made this shitty week worth it. I also got a lot of compliments about a composition I did on bass. It really told the story of what I had been through without actually having to speak a word. I know I can become a great musician, but My hand always hurt, my arms always hurt, and I just get tired. Its just a lot of pain.
Pain is interesting. Why does it exist? I mean, pain is a sensor, it is information to the brain. In fact it is the thing the brain processes first. When you are in pain your brain automatically demands you to recognize it. It doesn't stop. As long as the pain is always there then your brain always has to process that information. And the more you try and shove it down the more your brain has to process. I've gotten so used to ignoring it, it's insane. I feel like screaming all the time, or throwing things. It drives me fucking nuts. But even though as much pain as I am in, and as much shit I have to deal with I feel like this needed to happen. I feel like I needed to go through this hardship to really understand life, and to grab onto a purpose. Before I was somewhat aimless, and not sturdy in my convictions. Anyway seemed to be a good way if it was promising. I wasn't positive or sure enough of myself to dedicate my life to one craft, music. But now I know that it is the only thing I can do, and everyone else has their path but I have to follow mine. And it has only made music sweeter, deeper, heavier, lighter, happier, sadder, just better.
I know you have pain in your life. It may be small, it may be large, it may be there sometimes or all the time. But what I want you to do is take a lesson from your pain. Realize that everyone else has the same pain inside of them, that you are no different. Not more special, not any less...equal. You bleed the same as me, or him, or her. Don't let your pain take your humanity away, don't let it ruin your spirit. If someone has hurt you along the way don't give them the satisfaction of changing your life with hurt. Because at the end of the day when someone really isn't a good person and hurts people, its just sad. It is sad that that person is so fucked up inside that they can't see it themselves. And believe me, in this life or the next they will get theirs. Let your pain humble you, free your mind and body from all the bullshit that people deal with. The vanity, the fakeness, lies, the materialism, the egos....People use all of these things to deal with pain, but it doesn't help them. Be better than that, don't let pain create more pain.
I wonder what Charles Mingus thought about when he was dying....when he couldn't play the bass. How he didn't let it destroy him. I know how my life ends, and it isn't fun. It's a long slow process. Where your body deteriorates and the things you love to do you can't anymore, the people you used to see don't come around anymore, and the love you have in your life isn't there anymore. It's hard to think about when it has already happened once. I know it's going to happen again and I don't want it to....
But my world isn't the same, no matter how much I try and turn it off I can't. I see how people act now, I see how people think, I see how society works, and I don't fucking get it. I wish I could smack everyone in the face and tell them, "Do you know it's going to end? Do you know one day you will die and it will come sooner than you think? And when you die do you want to look back at all the times you cared what others thought of you, or were ashamed of yourself, or embarrassed of yourself, or hurt others, or hurt yourself? Or how you were obsessed with vanity, or materials, or money....and now you're on your last breath none of that matters? You can't take things with you, you can't take looks with you, the only thing you can take is the memories you have made in this life and the connections with those you've met. But people get caught up in egos, or caught in doubt and regret. They project it onto others, and subject themselves to their own punishment. I just don't understand people anymore. As a society, as a whole, as a functioning unit. There are so many things that are not important nor helpful to people that grab so much money, attention, and effort from people in life. I wonder if it is in our nature to suffer, or feel bad....
I smile a lot, I laugh a lot, and I try and show as much love as I can. I still have an ego, after all the shit I have been through sometimes it still comes out. I've gotten better at realizing that it doesn't serve me, and that I need to stop it asap. It's hard, especially when you are in pain everyday and no one can see it. I am not talking about emotional pain, I am talking about physical pain. I used to think that physical pain wasn't as bad as emotional pain, because the physical pain went away....but fuck that. This shit hasn't gone away for almost 3 years, and I am convinced at this point it never will. I just deal. I grind my fucking teeth, I barely sleep, I get depressed, angry, lonely, sad, scared...but I keep going. Everyday seems like a challenge. Music is really the only thing that makes it worth it anymore, I would say love but fuck...that shit is hard to come by. And even when I do find someone it is impossible for them to understand. It feels like a big barrier.
I got to rehearse today with a guy for an Irish music festival next week. I didn't know what to expect, but it was amazing. The chord changes were simple, the time was all 4/4, and the tempos weren't fast. But the music was pure energy. I could feel his spirit in the way he played his guitar, and in the way the music moved. It made me feel alive, and I could tell why this music is still alive and well in the culture. It really made this shitty week worth it. I also got a lot of compliments about a composition I did on bass. It really told the story of what I had been through without actually having to speak a word. I know I can become a great musician, but My hand always hurt, my arms always hurt, and I just get tired. Its just a lot of pain.
Pain is interesting. Why does it exist? I mean, pain is a sensor, it is information to the brain. In fact it is the thing the brain processes first. When you are in pain your brain automatically demands you to recognize it. It doesn't stop. As long as the pain is always there then your brain always has to process that information. And the more you try and shove it down the more your brain has to process. I've gotten so used to ignoring it, it's insane. I feel like screaming all the time, or throwing things. It drives me fucking nuts. But even though as much pain as I am in, and as much shit I have to deal with I feel like this needed to happen. I feel like I needed to go through this hardship to really understand life, and to grab onto a purpose. Before I was somewhat aimless, and not sturdy in my convictions. Anyway seemed to be a good way if it was promising. I wasn't positive or sure enough of myself to dedicate my life to one craft, music. But now I know that it is the only thing I can do, and everyone else has their path but I have to follow mine. And it has only made music sweeter, deeper, heavier, lighter, happier, sadder, just better.
I know you have pain in your life. It may be small, it may be large, it may be there sometimes or all the time. But what I want you to do is take a lesson from your pain. Realize that everyone else has the same pain inside of them, that you are no different. Not more special, not any less...equal. You bleed the same as me, or him, or her. Don't let your pain take your humanity away, don't let it ruin your spirit. If someone has hurt you along the way don't give them the satisfaction of changing your life with hurt. Because at the end of the day when someone really isn't a good person and hurts people, its just sad. It is sad that that person is so fucked up inside that they can't see it themselves. And believe me, in this life or the next they will get theirs. Let your pain humble you, free your mind and body from all the bullshit that people deal with. The vanity, the fakeness, lies, the materialism, the egos....People use all of these things to deal with pain, but it doesn't help them. Be better than that, don't let pain create more pain.
I wonder what Charles Mingus thought about when he was dying....when he couldn't play the bass. How he didn't let it destroy him. I know how my life ends, and it isn't fun. It's a long slow process. Where your body deteriorates and the things you love to do you can't anymore, the people you used to see don't come around anymore, and the love you have in your life isn't there anymore. It's hard to think about when it has already happened once. I know it's going to happen again and I don't want it to....
Friday, September 7, 2012
The underlying theme
There are themes in this world. There are messages that some ignore and some answer, it really depends on who you are. I used to think that there are those who are differnt. Some people get it and some people don't, but now I really think that everyone gets it but they choose to ignore it. We spend so much time dealing with actions and formalities tha don't serve us. On top of that we have the media and socity making us try to be something we are not. It really isn't all it is cracked up to be. Perhaps you want fame, fortune, or some recognition. But those things don't matter unless you have it in yourself. If you reallly believe in yourself and all the struggles and bullshit you have been through.
I have met so many amazing people lately. People who stand amongst a few in the population, and they know it. But they know the hard work, and the dedication, and what it really takes. These cats are gold. But this gold is just like you and me, struck from the depths of their souls. It isn't special, it is just real. I feel like this world tries to stop who you are, or who you can be. And I wonder why....is it our human nature to exlude...or judge...or segregate.....Why? We are all the same, we bleed, we hurt, we hope, we dream, and we die. There is no special exception at the end no matter who or how much you accomplish. Just live for who you are and what you stand for. Don't let this world rule your soul.
I have met so many amazing people lately. People who stand amongst a few in the population, and they know it. But they know the hard work, and the dedication, and what it really takes. These cats are gold. But this gold is just like you and me, struck from the depths of their souls. It isn't special, it is just real. I feel like this world tries to stop who you are, or who you can be. And I wonder why....is it our human nature to exlude...or judge...or segregate.....Why? We are all the same, we bleed, we hurt, we hope, we dream, and we die. There is no special exception at the end no matter who or how much you accomplish. Just live for who you are and what you stand for. Don't let this world rule your soul.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Every once an a while I get hit with the why do I play music question. At first perhaps my intentions were impure, you might want to play to be good, or be popular, or become it seems cool. But whatever that reason was it has vanished. It has become an obsession that knows no limit. It has consumed my everday thoughts and actions, maybe I am getting to close....maybe this is what drives people too crazy. I am not sure what to say or do about, but it has been getting bothersome.
I play for that feeling, that makes you have goosebumps, and makes you light headed, your heart beat faster, and to be able to express yourself without the need for judgement. But for some reason it has become all about that. I get glmipses, of where my playing is what it could be. Or who I am turning into, but most of the time it is relfecting on the outcome. I feel a pressure and I don't know what to do with it. I am reading Effortless Mastery right now and thank god someone else feels this way. I hate being judged, but I do it all the time. I need to be kind to myself...if I don't play great then I need to let it go...
I play for that feeling, that makes you have goosebumps, and makes you light headed, your heart beat faster, and to be able to express yourself without the need for judgement. But for some reason it has become all about that. I get glmipses, of where my playing is what it could be. Or who I am turning into, but most of the time it is relfecting on the outcome. I feel a pressure and I don't know what to do with it. I am reading Effortless Mastery right now and thank god someone else feels this way. I hate being judged, but I do it all the time. I need to be kind to myself...if I don't play great then I need to let it go...
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Everything happens for a reason?
It has been said many times before by many people all over the world. How many people take it to heart? Most people I hear say these things are talking about someone else s tragedy. They hear about it and nod and say the mantra that has been passed down for ages. I wonder who came up with it...Did the person who did really have a tragedy happen or something that forced them to grow in their life? I believe everything does happen for a reason. There are different extents. You get fat because you eat too much, or you get tired because you don't sleep too much.. But then there is the reason people say it. You lose your fiance, you don't get that job, or you can't go to school. Some of those things are common for a lot of people, but then there are the things that really force you to not say everything happens for a reason. Genocide, chronic illness, rape, slavery, corruption, conspiracy....
In my case I had a severe experience with Lyme. I lost my friends, my fiance, my school, my music, my life for a few years. I am thankful it is coming back. But it is hard to accept it. Someways I feel good about what I have done, and where I have gone. I think I am proudest of the person I have evolved into. Life isn't the same anymore, and it never will be. I think I've talked about it before but it is like the first time you found out the tooth fairy is fake, Santa isn't real, all dogs don't go to heaven (haha) But there is a lesson in everything. I think these horrible things happen to teach us. To keep us human. Not everyone responds, hell most people don't respond. If it isn't on their radar or affecting them personally they really don't give a shit. But then there are the minority who understand, or at least try to. It truly is the human spirit. People struggling to be, and to achieve what they can in the face of trials. Sometimes for some people that struggle is just be be. Not to be famous, or rich, or popular, or successful. But simply to be able to wake up and walk, or eat, or talk, or enjoy a movie. People don't like to think about these things but I try and make them.
I was in the hospital one time. My heart was failing. It had been a rough battle and I was very sick of fighting. I really didn't want to continue. I received my last rights from my priest at the church my dad goes to. I saw him the other day and he gave me communion and we talked. I wasn't a very avid believer in God before I got ill, but now I have a faith. Because at the end of the day whether it be God or Buddha or whatever that is all there is. There is nothing definite, nothing positive in this world. It is ever changing and unforgiving at times. But there are diamonds in the rough. He told me that everyone has a plan, and that it wasn't my time. I had more work to do. I honestly believe that. I feel like a purpose has been laid out for me. I took something from the bad, and I think that is why everyone happens for a reason. I get it now. I don't want to sound like a cocky asshole but I look past the bullshit for what it is. Bullshit. And there is so much of it in everyday life, some necessary and most not. These things happen in life to teach us, to keep us human, compassionate, and kind to each other. Still most people ignore it, but I'm not doing it for them. I am doing it for me.If the message I send never gets heard I will still write it, because it is what I need to do. I really appreciate the people who do get it, and I can filter out the BS with them. I dunno man, I feel like I am spewing a lot of bull, but whatever. I know I have work to do. I just need this vessel of my body to be able to keep up with my heart and spirit. It's like reaching for a note but you miss it by a half step. You can still get the point across, but you still need to work to be able nail next time...or just move down a fret :)
I feel like Jazz has taught me a lot about these lessons too. It is all interconnected. What a beautiful art form man, truly a gift from the gods. Some people don;t dig it because there aren't good lyrics, or it's outdated, or whatever. Fuck that man, this is gold. Never have I met such good people and such raw energy coming from any other facet of life. It is intangible but the most exhilarating experience ever. But it is the same with the bigger picture, most people don't want to see it. But those who do....are special. I just hope that I can use these busted ass hands and this warped brain of mine to make something that can make people go "Wow" and hopefully start to get it, whatever it is. I guess it is a lot to ask for, but I love that energy.
Just remember how lucky you are, yes you reading this. Everything does happen for a reason, and please don't let that reason be a waste.
On a side note I am happy to be starting school again and playing lot. It has been a while since I've been in a music program.. Best times of my life.
In my case I had a severe experience with Lyme. I lost my friends, my fiance, my school, my music, my life for a few years. I am thankful it is coming back. But it is hard to accept it. Someways I feel good about what I have done, and where I have gone. I think I am proudest of the person I have evolved into. Life isn't the same anymore, and it never will be. I think I've talked about it before but it is like the first time you found out the tooth fairy is fake, Santa isn't real, all dogs don't go to heaven (haha) But there is a lesson in everything. I think these horrible things happen to teach us. To keep us human. Not everyone responds, hell most people don't respond. If it isn't on their radar or affecting them personally they really don't give a shit. But then there are the minority who understand, or at least try to. It truly is the human spirit. People struggling to be, and to achieve what they can in the face of trials. Sometimes for some people that struggle is just be be. Not to be famous, or rich, or popular, or successful. But simply to be able to wake up and walk, or eat, or talk, or enjoy a movie. People don't like to think about these things but I try and make them.
I was in the hospital one time. My heart was failing. It had been a rough battle and I was very sick of fighting. I really didn't want to continue. I received my last rights from my priest at the church my dad goes to. I saw him the other day and he gave me communion and we talked. I wasn't a very avid believer in God before I got ill, but now I have a faith. Because at the end of the day whether it be God or Buddha or whatever that is all there is. There is nothing definite, nothing positive in this world. It is ever changing and unforgiving at times. But there are diamonds in the rough. He told me that everyone has a plan, and that it wasn't my time. I had more work to do. I honestly believe that. I feel like a purpose has been laid out for me. I took something from the bad, and I think that is why everyone happens for a reason. I get it now. I don't want to sound like a cocky asshole but I look past the bullshit for what it is. Bullshit. And there is so much of it in everyday life, some necessary and most not. These things happen in life to teach us, to keep us human, compassionate, and kind to each other. Still most people ignore it, but I'm not doing it for them. I am doing it for me.If the message I send never gets heard I will still write it, because it is what I need to do. I really appreciate the people who do get it, and I can filter out the BS with them. I dunno man, I feel like I am spewing a lot of bull, but whatever. I know I have work to do. I just need this vessel of my body to be able to keep up with my heart and spirit. It's like reaching for a note but you miss it by a half step. You can still get the point across, but you still need to work to be able nail next time...or just move down a fret :)
I feel like Jazz has taught me a lot about these lessons too. It is all interconnected. What a beautiful art form man, truly a gift from the gods. Some people don;t dig it because there aren't good lyrics, or it's outdated, or whatever. Fuck that man, this is gold. Never have I met such good people and such raw energy coming from any other facet of life. It is intangible but the most exhilarating experience ever. But it is the same with the bigger picture, most people don't want to see it. But those who do....are special. I just hope that I can use these busted ass hands and this warped brain of mine to make something that can make people go "Wow" and hopefully start to get it, whatever it is. I guess it is a lot to ask for, but I love that energy.
Just remember how lucky you are, yes you reading this. Everything does happen for a reason, and please don't let that reason be a waste.
On a side note I am happy to be starting school again and playing lot. It has been a while since I've been in a music program.. Best times of my life.
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