Every once an a while I get hit with the why do I play music question. At first perhaps my intentions were impure, you might want to play to be good, or be popular, or become it seems cool. But whatever that reason was it has  vanished. It has become an obsession that knows no limit. It has consumed my everday thoughts and actions, maybe I am getting to close....maybe this is what drives people too crazy. I am not sure what to say or do about, but it has been getting bothersome.

I play for that feeling, that makes you have goosebumps, and makes you light headed, your heart beat faster, and to be able to express yourself without the need for judgement. But for some reason it has become all about that. I get glmipses, of where my playing is what it could be. Or who I am turning into, but most of the time it is relfecting on the outcome. I feel a pressure and I don't know what to do with it. I am reading Effortless Mastery right now and thank god someone else feels this way. I hate being judged, but I do it all the time. I need to be kind to myself...if I don't play great then I need to let it go...